Staying supportive is the most important part of helping someone you love kick the habit whether it's for the first, third, or seventh time. Avoid sabotaging their progress by holding your tongue from making these faux pas.
Your intention may be to show support, but when someone you love is trying to quit smoking, tread carefully. You really want to be supportive and encouraging, not negative and nagging, says smoking cessation expert Harry Lando, PhD, a professor in the division of epidemiology and community health at the University of Minnesota. Landos advice: If you dont have something nice to say, just listen. Here is a list of the top things not to say when a close friend or loved one is quitting smoking.
Yeah, right. Youre quitting smoking. Again.
This probably tops the list of things you shouldnt say, even if youre sorely tempted. In reality, most people need to make several attempts at smoking cessation before they quit for good. So, yes, you have to remain supportive no matter how many times the person has tried. Just take a deep breath and tell your friend or loved one (again) that you are there if he or she needs help quitting smoking.
Smoking is gross and expensive. Why do you do it?
This response definitely puts a smoker on the defensive. It is also shaming and shame doesnt necessarily provide an incentive to stop smoking. Especially if you havent smoked yourself, show some empathy, advises Lando. An alternative to dwelling on the negative qualities of tobacco use is to emphasize the overall benefits of quitting smoking. Its fine to say, Just think about how much good youre doing for your body (or your bank account). For someone working on smoking cessation, these can be more powerful incentives.
Youre going to get cancer.
What isnt wrong with this statement? Youre not a fortune-teller, and this threatening prediction is probably just going to be met with anger. As a general rule, for people who need help quitting smoking, its best to stress the positive aspects of smoking cessation. Think of something you know the person enjoys (other than a smoking-related activity), and focus on how much easier it will be to enjoy that after quitting smoking.
Im tired of your clothes smelling bad.
Though the clingy smell of smoke is obvious to nonsmokers, people who smoke often dont realize how pervasive the odor is until theyve been working on quitting smoking for a while. This statement falls in the nagging category (which Lando emphasizes wont help with smoking cessation). Its fine, though, to comment on how much better someones clothes smell now that he or she isnt hanging out with other smokers as much.
If you really loved me, youd quit.
But enough about you. Even people who need help quitting smoking wont be motivated by this old guilt trip. The problem here is that loving you has little to do with the person's addiction to tobacco or his or her success with smoking cessation. Stopping smoking can be harder than kicking a heroin addiction, experts say. Dont minimize what theyre going through, warns Lando. Better simply to remind them that you love them and want to support them.
I know how hard this is.
If you have never tried to stop smoking, you may not realize how excruciating smoking cessation can be. This well-intentioned attempt to sympathize can backfire, so its best to avoid it. Instead, says Lando, use time spent with the person to practice just being able to be an empathetic listener and let him or her talk about the challenges of quitting smoking. You can safely admit to not knowing exactly what your loved one is going through, but reaffirm that you want to be as supportive as possible.
Lets go to this (insert any event where smokers will be).
Many people have to completely overhaul their social lives in order to be successful with smoking cessation. Outdoor concerts, bars, dining alfresco all of these can expose them to other smokers, which in turn can make quitting smoking even harder for them. Suggest fun activities that dont include smokers or even smoking triggers.
Are you worried about gaining weight?
Concerns about weight gain keep many people from successfully quitting smoking. In reality, the weight gain is minimal on average. For people who already feel they have weight issues, says Lando, anxiety can be enough to undermine smoking cessation. If your loved one is concerned about weight gain, focus on all of the positive health effects that come with smoking cessation such as improvements in blood pressure and cholesterol. And once your loved one stops smoking, remind him or her how much easier it must be to exercise tobacco-free.
Boy, you sure get out of breath easily.
Naturally, youre worried about your friends or loved ones breathlessness. So its worth knowing that quitting smoking actually does help improve lung function almost immediately. IBut if you want to help with the process, dont point out the breathlessness (someone trying to stop smoking knows about it already). Instead look for some fun, relaxing physical activities that wont trigger breathing problems and that you can do together.
Dont you care about your children (or grandchildren)?
You can and should set the ground rules at home such as no smoking inside the house, in the car, or around the kids to protect childrens health. When it comes to smoking cessation, however, this type of statement is another guilt trip that could backfire because its so emotionally loaded. The person who's trying to kick the habit needs your love and support to stop smoking. Rather than heaping on more guilt, talk about what an inspiring role model for the kids he or she will become by quitting smoking.
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